Trip to Ft. Myers Blog Options

[redbeme]

I incurred some unexpected expenses prior to my trip to Ft. Myers to see Vince in concert and decided to make some adjustments to accommodate for this.

I started my plans early, snagged a nice room at a Holiday Inn Express in he area in early Dec. I recall viewing several dates for this on Hotwire with my original intention being to stay more than day in this relaxing area of Fl. I did not find out until 12/24, when I was sent an email to review my trip. Found out that in error, I made this reservation for 12/24 instead of 1/24. The calendar that I was viewing must have reset as I explored my options and though, very unlike myself, did not check and verify info of my confirmation for this! OOOPS! Luckily, I decided to only stay one night and only lost one day of paying for a room, instead of two.

I had wanted to rent a car for this, but changed my mind the last week. Sad to say that someone rear-ended me that did not have insurance and I now have to litigate to get them to pay for damages. Though the car is perfectly drivable, I now refer to it as my Ghetto or redneck mobile. The right side fender is quite noticeably damaged as well as part of the side of the trunk which has gap in it. My car is white, had to find some heavy duty white tape to apply to the gap in the trunk to assure that water does not go into the trunk when it rains. Having a 12 year old Prisim, I only had PIP and liability insurance. LOl, quite challenging to maintain a sense of dignity driving around town like that.

I am so psyched about this concert, and am convinced that I can make a go of it in my ghettomobile. Thinking now that I was a bit too confident about this. Ever try to pretend that you are invisible for 150 miles? LOL!

(Going to break this blog down into a few short parts so that it is not such a long read) Will add to this a bit later today.

[redbeme]

Ft. Myers Blog (part 2)

Shortly after getting into the ghetomobile, I am thanking the Lord for such a beautiful balmy day, perfect temp of about 78, clear skies and sunny. Additionally asked the Lord to get me there safely and if it was not too much trouble, could you see that I do not say something stupid to Vince when I meet him.

Proceed with driving, the windows down, feeling so grateful for our weather, while so many are shoveling snow now. Fast forward to almost 100 miles up the road when I decided to stop at Cracker Barrel to eat lunch. I pulled in, caught a glimpse of myself in he rear view mirror and immediately took out my hairbrush. Hmmm, need a bigger mirror, not much happening here in the way of correction. In retrospect, you can only ask so much of a hairbrush. The 100 miles of driving a 70 mph has resulted in my already to thick hair looking like a 80's hairband quaff with a redneck interpretation and some moonshine Viagraish styling gel. I tried to do something, anything with it in he ladies room. I tried to get this one piece sticking out on the top of my crown to behave, even tried to use some water to tame it. However, I only succeeded in now accomplishing the "Alfalfa" signature look from Spanky and Our Gang.

My need to touch up my makeup revealed that I forgot my mascara. Generally speaking, heterosexual women will forget that they left their kids in the car and ignition running sooner than forgetting their mascara. At least their is time for the emergency stop to remedy this before the concert, PHEW!

Once seated for my lunch, I requested ice tea, no sugar and may I have that asap, please? The nice waiter said, yes ma'am, do you prefer Splenda or Sweet and Low? I said, no thanks, just regular ice tea, no sweetner at all. The polite silence immediately resulted in the minor epiphany that oh yeah, that's right, outside of Miami and Ft. Lauderdale, ice tea without sugar is the South's equivalent to farting in church! As I looked up from the menu, I was able to espy an otherwise seemingly nice group of the apparently retired women's auxiliary of The First Tabernacle church of somewhere staring at me. I now find myself trying to send them a subliminal message that I do not normally look like this and that older people usually love me. A quick further assessment of the judgements that I was facing revealed that they all had the same hairdo and same 1/2 o 3/4 of Aquanet hairspray application, which of course, means that they all share the same politics and opinions, have an overabundance of the "safe" beige color theme in their homes, and in their day, made sure that the first Tues. of every month at 7 pm that there marital (ahem) obligations were fulfilled. (LOL)

I was reminded that I could never live life on the road. There is something about traveling that makes me have the appetite of a lumberjack. I think I ate more at that one meal, then I did all week. Seriously, who goes to Cracker Barrel and is only able to eat a salad? Or should I say that if they exist, I don't want to meet them. Now the lil' old ladies fared much better. I think they took home with them enough to sustain life for at least another two days. If I could be even remotely convinced that the waiter had the ability to advise Vince of the amount of food that I ate, he surely would have secured a $50 tip.

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For better or worse, working on the concluding chapters. I sincerely hope that no one interprets my blog outside of the humorous spirit in which it was intended.

This is the way that I honestly think, and sometimes that is in caricature form.

I rarely flatter myself, but, yeah, I am proud of the way my humor sustains me.

[redbeme]

Wrapping this up, final chapter.

Meal completed. As soon as I sat in that car, or should I say that you know how you sometimes get that immediate sense that something just ain't right? Why do I smell my lunch when I am not taking home leftovers? What is that sensation too? Reality check revealed that somehow a piece of chicken fried steak made its way to the cleavage area of my brassiere. Now in my defense there is no way to get out of your car and wiggle that away in a lady like manner. At this point trying to imagine friends around me to partake in the potential humor in this event. I re-enter the car, pardon the pun, brush this off, my inadequate eyelashes and myself are on a mission. I check the GPS, a Wal-Mart is in route, good....get mascara there if I do not see another store earlier.

For some reason, my GPS erroneously re-routes me out of the Cracker Barrel. I am thankful that this route was not revealed to me at night, certainly I would have been convinced that this area was a prime choice area of serial killers that want to hide their evidence. I am additionally reminded that for some reason, my GPS will always take me on a similar path with any Cracker Barrel outside of a major city. Mmm, wonder why the cops aren't aware of these paths? (LOL)

Shortly after being on the right route to hotel, I somehow got sandwiched between two 18 wheelers, , for about 20 or so miles. Within moments of this, I feel very uncomfortable, feels like I am in a coffin! My only distraction from this was the sudden and dramatic message of urgency that my bladder received after those two glasses of ice tea. Hmmm, need to call upon some inner strength and humor here, if there is an exit, I can't see it or get to it! So, I imagine Vince asking me for a song request. ( Was actually thinking of this just prior to the trip, but would never had the cahoonies to ask him!) (Blushing!)

Yes, I answer to my imagination. Vince, please play this for me and please sing it right into my ear, and some candlelight would be nice too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW6G3nh5S3I
Yes, succeeded with distraction, but brain soon reminded me who is ultimately the boss. (= above all Carolyn do not get a case of the giggles right now unless you have adult pampers on hand)

Soon enough the Wal-Mart appears. Now normally, few things in life can make me feel like I hit the genetic lottery more than a Wal-Mart shopping experience. As I exited the car, thought if I was chomping on some McNuggets, I would likely get their version of VIP treatment. Very strange feeling approaching the store. Thinking a few months ago, Jeff Foxworthy would never consider me as Hall of Fame material.

Got the mascara, the time is flying, get to the hotel! I should say that I was able to successfully rebook a hotel, but it was not the Holiday Inn Express. Being the optimist that I am, when I saw the pics of the hotel, thought, "kinda reminds me of the no-frills hotels of yore on Miami Beach! Yep, quaint and rustic, fine by me, just need a place to sleep and shower for one night. The hotel was on Hutchinson Island, just a few miles from he venue. If the need should ever occur, I am here to confirm that there is a Bates Motel strip on that island. (my sassy humor aside, ignore that exaggeration, the staff was very nice and they to be fair, they were in the middle of updating from the 70's time warp theme)

Thankfully a shower erased my hairs memory of what it looked like earlier in the day. Was reminded that mascara must be broken in, the first few times you apply it, it wants to unite all eyelashes as one. Found out that in desperate times, a hair dryer on cool for 10 seconds can show it who the boss is, lmao!

Going to fast forward to the end of the blog, apart from the concert.

After a very long, adventurous, but great day was so dog tired. I think the funniest part of my trip was moments after lying down to go to sleep, discovered that my headboard would sound like I was having honeymoon sex with my SLIGHTEST movement, I could barely type, but shared this with some FB friends, one of whom made me laugh so hard which resulted in a headboadgasm.

20 years of professional therapy could not have accomplished more than the therapeutic slices of life, humor moments that I encountered. I ended it with a fantastic concert and Vince remembered me. Pinch me! (It's the red hair, can't get away with a dang thing, lol)
Carolyn B.

[Anna Leighton]

Great little blogger .Love it

[redbeme]

Thanks Ann. Lol, the big guy upstairs keep me humble in many ways, one of which is assuring that I never catch all typos and grammar errors before posting just about anything!

[Anna Leighton]

You are welcome and please my name is Anna .It's one of my idiosyncrasies .My full name is Anna Lou .Old friends and family always call me Lou .Work and school I have always been Anna .Hubby and close friends have called me by many different names :-) but I have never been an Ann .Thank you

[redbeme]

You are welcome and please my name is Anna .It's one of my idiosyncrasies .My full name is Anna Lou .Old friends and family always call me Lou .Work and school I have always been Anna .Hubby and close friends have called me by many different names :-) but I have never been an Ann .Thank you

Woops, sorry Anna!